You wouldn’t be Aladdin, you would be Gaston.

One of my favorite questions to ask people is what Disney character they would be.

I think of myself as Belle, though I have been told I could also be Mulan, honestly they’re both really awesome. So I asked A (yep, I’m gonna beat that dead horse until it disintegrates) what Disney prince he would be and he told me he would be Aladdin, though I don’t really know why, and I don’t really see it, he might be Naveen, but that’s probably because I’m hoping he’ll realize there’s more to life than what he’s doing at the moment and that I’m awesome. Yes, I do hope for my Disney fairy tale someday. I know that it won’t be as grand, or silly, as many of the Disney movies are, but I still would like to find that one person for me, who knows my quirks and loves them anyway, someone who challenges me to be a better person, someone who loves me. I was going to suggest that A could easily be Gaston, but really, Gaston is ridiculously obnoxious and stupid. Gaston also has a butt-chin, which I’m just not okay with… “swell cleft”, psh, no, that’s a butt-chin and it’s weird. So A is who he wants to be, and I’m going to be a heroine in my own story, and my love story will be focused on God until He tells me otherwise.

***Spoiler Alert: Mockingjay***

I don’t know how many of you have read this book, but it’s heartbreaking, yet totally awesome at the same time. Anyway, at some point after Peeta is rescued, Katniss says something about him finally seeing her the way she is, or at least the way she sees herself. The line in the book got me thinking… What if we saw ourselves the way other people saw us? And what if other people saw us the way we see ourselves? Well, if we saw ourselves the way other people see us, there are multiple reactions that I can’t even fathom, but one is that we wouldn’t critique ourselves quite as harshly. Is this good or bad? I think it could be both. Without self-awareness we can’t grow and change and become our best selves, which would be a negative. But we would also be able to see the wonderful things about us, and that would lift self-esteem, which could result in any number of good or bad things. Now, what if other people saw us the way we see ourselves? Ouch. That is one word, at least for all the negative self-talk we engage in. I don’t know about you guys, but I do struggle with negative versus positive self-talk. Other than that I honestly can’t imagine what would happen. Of course, there are situations, glimpses, and glimmers in which views of ourselves become different. 

I wish I could describe my friends through my eyes to them, but with all the words in the world, I cannot translate what I see in my friends to them. One in particular is struggling, I think (no, it’s not me, although I have my own struggles), who doesn’t see herself the way I see her, and that makes me sad. She’s dating someone who isn’t so great, I honestly can’t say I’ve spent much time with him, but still, and I think it’s hurting her. All I wish I could tell is that she is worth more than that, and that even if she doesn’t get love from him, she still has me, and she has her family, and she has God. 

Friendships are really hard sometimes, like the one I talked about above. It’s especially hard when they make no effort to be in your life, and you’re left going, “what did I do wrong? It’s not even just guys now, it’s my friends, too.” But seriously, what did I do wrong?!?!?! I’m still figuring that one out. Maybe I’m like Katniss and my friends are Peeta and they finally see me as who I am. Honestly, I don’t think that’s it, I don’t know what it is, but I don’t think it’s that. I can’t afford to think that I’m really that undesirable that my friends want to stop talking to me, because that leads to potential breakage.

Always,

-M

P.S. I have a tendency to hang my clothes on my chair or my floor, not in my closet.

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